Steven Macintyre

The Kübler-Ross model

The Kübler-Ross model describes, in five discrete stages, the process by which people deal with grief and tragedy. Terminally ill patients are said to experience these stages. The model was introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying”. The stages have become well-known as the “Five Stages of Grief”.

This is the extract as per Wikipedia

A recently acquired friend of mine pointed me onto this information, and my psychologist ¹ mentioned it too …

Now of course – one can adapt any information, story, idea, poem or even lyrics of a song to their unique standing right there and then … But – the Kübler-Ross model seems rather accurate to most “turmoil” and “hurt” events.

As recently as a month ago, my partner and I … Of greater part of 8 years split up … Mutual splitting … Yeah I would say so, I have in the past previously hurt him and I have cheated on him … And I have lied about cheating on him. As a result … For a greater part of our relationship – I have been so angry, frustrated and continually fighting my inner demons to stay inside …

I am what I call myself an “emotional retard”, I was always “there” for people, but in the sense that I would always give my “black and white” answer … I realise now – that that’s a wrong way of dealing with things … Well, my psychologist helped me realise … And all of a sudden … Mr. Fixit couldn’t fix his own problems.

I have in the past, always put up defenses around myself against people, even close friends, and in turn … I have ruined some friendships – either as a direct or indirect result! But … I live with my convictions and I will start picking myself up and seeing the best in … Me!

Last week was a very tough therapy session with me being finally able to sit with Shaun and, for once, honestly speak my heart and emotions … I have been feeling “exposed” since then … And other factors and entities have come into my life and gone out … (one door closes, another opens)

However, with me writing this, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, yet held back with what I have had with Shaun … Shaun knows more than anyone how fucked up I am right now … He knows the inner demons that I have to deal with and he has stuck by me and accepted my apology for what I have done recently …

I have as a result – made, the best friend … Anyone could ask for … Weird? Yeah … It is weird … But throughout my (our) lives, I will honestly always consider Shaun as a true friend over all others … And I will always value his input … And after 8 years … FINALLY go to him if something is on my mind …

We have agreed that a total split will happen, IE we move into our separate places etc… And the way I am feeling, i’m extremely cautious, overwhelmed yet … Happy! I have a load of shit to sort out in my life and I just thank (what ever there is to thank) that Shaun is there as a friend and not an enemy that I thought I had created!

My psychologist gave me wise words (learned words?), for any relationship to work, both parties need to be independent on their own and … When a couple gets together … You don’t throw all your “poker chips” on the table and hope that a perfect “pot” gets created … You have to have your perfect pot to offer the person as does the other person.

All in all … Today … Is a kuk day – didn’t sleep very well – even though I took two sleeping pills … But … Most people can change what they want in life and move themselves off the bottom rung and start climbing … I consider myself one of these people!

Finit.

¹ Mano Naidoo (Psychologist) – Contact: 082 325 7904 – Kensington

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