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JOHANNESBURG. While large sectors of the economy continue to battle with the recession, the hit-man business is said to be booming, with assassins reportedly unable to keep up with the flood of new business generated as a result of the Kebble murder trial. According to an industry insider, the on-going trial has done for the hired-gun [...]
LONDON. Super model Naomi Campbell says she was baffled when called on to testify at the Special Court for Sierra Leone in the Hague. “They kept asking me about Africa,” she said, before admitting she thought that “Liberia was like what the Spaniards called Spain.” On Wednesday, a week after her begrudging testimony in Holland, Campbell [...]
PRETORIA. “Children don’t read books anymore; but they do still chew Chappies,” said Minister of Basic Education, Angie Motshekga, after it was announced that public school text books are to be replaced by Chappies bubblegum wrappers next year. “We in the department of basic education understand that books are full of facts, but so are Chappies [...]
JOHANNESBURG. Women across the country have thanked their menfolk for reminding them of their place in South African society, saying that Women’s Day was a “wonderful and timely reminder” that the other 364 days of the year belong to men. They added that the day has inspired them to try to be more like men, [...]
MOSCOW. President Jacob Zuma has celebrated Women’s Day in Moscow, saying that women in Russia had come a very long way. “Some of them have even come all the way from Thailand, in a cardboard box with air-holes punched in the lid,” said the President, adding that it was “awesome” that wives could now be [...]
LOS ANGELES. Actress and plastic surgery disaster Meg Ryan says she was very disappointed not to make the cover of the latest edition of Time Magazine. If they were trying to make a statement about objectification and abuse of women they could have started a lot closer to home she said. The latest edition of [...]
JOHANNESBURG. Special police unit The Hawks have defended yesterday’s arrest of Sunday Times journalist Mzilikazi wa Afrika without a warrant, saying they had reason to believe the journalist was using a pen he did not have a licence for. “It has recently come to our attention that the pen is mightier than the sword,” said [...]
JOHANNESBURG. Doctors attending former top cop Jackie Selebi say they are just hours away from confirming that he is suffering from the same slow-acting fatal disease that struck down Schabir Shaik and left him unable to do anything but drive his BMW around Durban, smoke Cuban cigars and lie next to his pool. Moments after being [...]
JOHANNESBURG. The ANC has angrily denied that its planned media tribunal will place South Africa firmly on course to becoming a banana republic, saying that the country is a vegetable and not a fruit. Meanwhile, Minister of Voting Fodder, Blade Nzimande, has vowed to defend democracy even if it means forcing taxpayers to buy him [...]
The ANC has angrily denied that its planned media tribunal will place South Africa firmly on course to becoming a banana republic, saying that the country is a vegetable and not a fruit. Meanwhile, Minister of Voting Fodder, Blade Nzimande, has vowed to defend democracy even if it means forcing taxpayers to buy him another BMW.
PAROW. South Africa’s last surviving apartheid leaders have slammed Zef stars Die Antwoord and Jack Parow, saying the Nationalists invented Zef decades ago. “If it’s about being proudly Afrikaans, drunk, on drugs and wearing kak clothes, then we were doing that in the early 1970s already,” said Pik Botha, also known as Die Forrin Affêz [...]
South Africa’s last surviving apartheid leaders have slammed Zef stars Die Antwoord and Jack Parow, saying the Nationalists invented Zef decades ago. “If it’s about being proudly Afrikaans, drunk, on drugs and wearing kak clothes, then we were doing that in the early 1970s already,” said Pik Botha, also known as Die Forrin Affêz Ninja.
Police confirmed last night that an illegal immigrant from Bengal who successfully evaded capture for two days has finally been brought to justice. Panjo, who declined to give a surname, was tracked to a forest near Bronkhorstspruit. “We suspect he was planning to open a spice emporium in Durban,” police said. “We got him just in time.”
President Jacob Zuma has expressed his regret that South Africa no longer has its own Men-In-Black style secret agency to help cover up the recent UFO sightings that have been pervading the greater Pretoria area. A spokesperson for the Presidency, Buzz Hlope, confirmed that the Department of Alien Affairs had been disbanded at around the same time as The Scorpions.